"Legs A Lot" by danivenn
We interrupt your regular follicular activities to present an alternate perspective, specifically that of my wife, Laura.
In the interest of full disclosure, let me start by saying this: I just don't get it. The whole premise of the “how not to grow a beard” challenge is to spend a month growing a beard. Thus, the very name of the contest is the first problem I find with my spouse's November extracurricular activity.
Secondly, even if one (such as me, an erstwhile copyeditor and sometime writer) were to change the name to something more precisely descriptive, such as “How to Indeed Grow a Lousy Beard Month” or perhaps “How to Waste Precious Hours I Could Be Devoting to My Preschool-Aged Son (They Are Only This Age for but a Moment!) by Endlessly Snapping Pictures of My Grizzly Chin and Uploading Them to My Buddy's Website ... Month,” I would still take issue.
Imagine for a moment, if you will, that a group of women decided on a lark to have a contest they might deign to call “How to Have Silky Smooth Legs Month.” And next imagine that this small gaggle of girls donned their Venus razors and Raspberry-flavored Skintimate shave gel on Halloween Night and gleefully removed all hair from their gams ... and then did not do that at all for the next 30 days. Further imagine that these ladies enthusiastically photographed their stubbly knees each morning and posted the images on the Internet (or “-nets” — is that supposed to be plural? Since when?) Try to visualize these females unabashedly parading around in miniskirts or capri pants, their hairy shins shining in the sunlight. (You'll have to stipulate that it's an unusually nice November.)
Can't see it, huh? Me neither. But I think it would be fun. I would enjoy it. I might even participate in it. And Kris would hate it. I would venture that at least some of the guys who are active contestants in my husband's whisker tournament would find such behavior from their wives, girlfriends, S.O.s, whatever, completely unacceptable and perhaps even repulsive. There is a double standard. I'm just saying.
Anyway, I think it is safe to conclude from my comments here that the whole HoNoToGroaBeMo phenomenon is something I put up with annually. I would even say I am gracious about it. Last year I silently suffered the embarrassment of my beloved turning his “beard” (if you can call it that) into a holiday art project. Our Christmas vacation pictures prominently feature his mutton chops. I thought those went out of style with Alexander II of Russia in 1881 (Wikipedia – look it up). What do I know?
Feedback:
Well clearly you just don't get it. ;-)
While the naming is wrong, and I rather like your first alternative, it is generally more acceptable for men to have beards than women to have hairy legs.
That said, there is much presumption here. I don't care one lick how much my wife does or does not shave (and have proven it) to suit her desires. She cares about these things much more than I do. I guess I just don't get it either (what the big deal is...you know, besides the horridly scratchy neck...but it's getting better, I swear).
I vote that next year we have a female version as well. Then HoNoToGroABeMo can be a support group as we compete against the women instead of a competition against each other.
Winner take all, baby!
Of course there's a double standard!
Now, admittedly the Queer Eye/metrosexual phenomena are changing this — and possibly HoNoToGroABeMo is a subconscious backlash against them — but, I'd say that us growing a beard is more directly akin to you ladies tarting yourselves up as much as possible over the course of the month.
Bear with me for a moment.
The beard is the hairy embodiment of masculinity, much as hairlessness (and brightly colored lips, cheeks, etc.) are the embodiment of femininity.
We're just trying to make ourselves pretty for you in quite the opposite way that growing our your legs would do.
That said, I've got no problem with Missus Bob turning her long, smooth, um, legs into a sasquatch for a month for the amusement of all. Of course, she'd never go along with such a thing.
I am going to take up your points one at a time:
1) The Beard is an embodiment of masculinity. A man with a full beard is a man. You cannot deny his manness. The pictures we've all taken so far (Except maybe Weirdbeard on the 14th and Every picture ever taken of The Bearded Goose) are gross, childish approximations of such. They're beards that a loving mother would magnet to a fridge. We are not men growing beards here. This, my dear, is not how you go about the activity. Amusingly, in your final paragraph you actually allude to this.
2) What your husband does and does not do during his child's formative years is between you two. I have no such obligation. Though I do have a novel I'm not writing. Hrm.
3) This has been covered by others. Growing your leg hair and growing our beards is not similar, and 30 days of excessive makeup application is closer to what we are trying to do in spirit, and for many men (myself included) would be just as intolerable. Though, if I may speak for my girlfriend, she kinda likes the fuzzy-faced me.
3-a) "Internets" is actually what a lot of tech-unsavvy people refer to as the internet. We use it as a lovable chiding way to make fun of them right in their faces without them knowing it. Suckers!
4) For the record, I'd have no problem with 30 days of leg hair, but 2 consecutive days of makeup would drive me crazy, and not in the good way. That said, there is a double standard. The less time you take for your appearance, the more manly you are. The more time, the more womanly. It's totally not my fault, I benefit from this double standard 100%, and I like it. On the plus side, you can wear any clothing item that is for sale in any store, anywhere in the world. Unless I'm painted blue and fighting the English you won't see me in a skirt.
5) Isaac Asimov, who passed in 1992, sported quite an impressive set of Mutton Chops. I respected the man's writings both scientific and fictional, but boy those handlebars didn't do his face any favors.
In closing, I'd like to say that I have never grown a beard. This website and "contest" is actually the best way I've found to motivate myself to NOT shave. By now, the wretchedness and itchiness would have driven me mad. In fact, I'm not wholly convinced that it has not this time, but as others are going mad with me (and I have somewhere to point those who ask me what the hell I'm doing) I'm persevering. Come December 1st, I may shave this wretched thing off my face. Or I may notice the patches filling in and let it continue. And that, to me, is worth 30 days of goofy pictures.
I have to say that it would probably bother me not to shave my legs for an entire month but if you do it next year, Laura, you can totally count me in.
Though I have to admit that I think it'd be MUCH less of a punishment than scratchy whiskers, or embarrassing mutton chops, but it would definitely make me laugh.
As one who sports a beard for the majority of any given year, I say, "Ha!"
And, my wife has finally admitted to me, after 14 years of marriage, that she prefers the whiskers on me. Yes, seriously! I warned her I was going to shave late on the 31st of October. She agreed, and when I returned from the bathroom shorn of whiskers, she was stunned at how much the clean-shaven look just didn't do it for her.
What can I say?
Oh, and as for women and hairy legs... who says they don't already do that when we're not looking, eh?
I really don't have anything to add; I think the other gentlemen (apart from the swaggering, self-satisfied waterfowl) have pretty much summed up my thoughts on the matter and I don't need to belabor their points.
I do give style points for "gams", though.
Oh, and does shaving gel really have a flavor? A scent, perhaps, but a flavor? Really? Not that it would be bad if it did, mind you. I mean, I like raspberry-flavored stuff. A lot.