(This is crossposted with minor editing from my column at The Secret Lair. The original can be found here.)

And so, it has come to pass that we find ourselves in "awards season", wherein fond looks are taken back at the prior year in media, and trophies are doled out for various forms of perceived excellence in movies, television, and music. Much attention is showered upon the festivities and celebrities involved, and much ado is paid to the recipients of said awards. That noted, the Grammys last weekend made one thing glaringly clear - beyond his inability to competently carry a tune or strum a guitar, Justin Bieber cannot grow an award-winning beard.

Now, it is time to give awards to those who can.

HoNoToGroABeMo 2010 was the largest yet, both in terms of total donations and number of participants. Pete DiLillo and his lush man-thicket ended up dominating the donation race, earning him the title of current, reigning, and defending Champion of HoNoToGroABeMo. Witness his half-shorn shock:

    Oh the horror, image by Pete DiLillo via HoNoToGroABeMo.org

Bob's recap sums up the experience, and as a participant, I will add my own effusive thanks to all who donated. Their generosity for our boob-buffoonery was amazing.

All that said, it is time to bestow The Cmar Beard Awards for HoNoToGroABeMo 2010. These have nothing to do with any donations received, and everything to do with the glorious pictography of crackling virility hedges:

  • Best Beard Photo: There were many entries during the month that stood out for creativity, humor, or photographic skill, but the trophy for best beardy picture goes to Jim Van Verth for Day 14: Abra-abra-cadabra. The facial contorting, posing, and expression convey that he's not only gonna getcha, but he's gonna getcha in a way you may never recover from. This is Mr. Van Verth's second year in a row winning this category, so step it up, gents.
  • I want to reach out and grab ya, photo by Jim Van Verth via HoNoToGroABeMo.org

  • Man Most Exemplifying How Not To Grow A Beard: One might think that this would be the closest category to judge, but that turns out not to be the case. Even though he allowed his neck beard to stay strong this time around, for the second year in a row, Jeff Greiner takes the prize. C'mon gents, step it down and give him some competition.
  • One year ago today, image by Jeff Greiner via HoNoToGroABeMo.org

  • Best Time Lapse Photo Series: All participants were varied in their choice of poses on a daily basis, but only one of us had enough consistency of follicular posture and backdrop to take this category. Jason Penney, that would be you! (Click through to view the slideshow.)
  • Man Most Exemplifying How To Grow A Beard: As noted above, the ability of many of us to generate a thick face mane is somewhat surprising. While several of us were in the running, Adam Johnson gets the award by sprouting a 30 day untamed jaw jungle, even after some judicious trimming.
  • Got the shrubbery all trimmed on the neck, image by Adam Johnson via HoNoToGroABeMo.org

  • Best Use Of Non-Facially Generated Props: Our overall champion, Pete, also is the obvious winner in this category, both for framing his beard on a daily basis with an endless supply of amazing headgear (click through for the slideshow), and for this epic hat-gasm on the final day:
  • Clearly I never win at Tetris, image by Pete DiLillo via HoNoToGroABeMo.org

  • Daily Commitment To The Task: November is a busy month, and few find the time and the stamina to start on Day 1 and produce a post for all 30 days. Our founder, Bob, led the pack in this regard as he does each year, and finds himself co-accepting this award with Jeff, Pete, Jim, and Jeffery for 2010.
  • Best-Spun Beardy Yarns: Everyone strove to lay down some manner of words each day with their posts, and a few of us were able to tell some good tales. However, as clearly as he showed us how not to grow a beard, Jeff Greiner blew us all away with his sincere and excellent beardy yarns each day. With topics ranging from gaming to education, they are well worth your time to read.

Congratulations to all of the winners! To all the participants, it was a pleasure joining you once again in this endeavor, and to give recognition where recognition is due. To everyone else, I’ll merely note that only 257 days remain until HoNoToGroABeMo 2011, and this whole mad affair will start up again.



Just staying warm.

Well I just got back from my second test ride with the snomobile after rebuilding this and that on it. Needs some minor adjustments.

As for the beard, it seems to be coming along nicely. The only thing that I've done has been shaving the lower neck.

And so it grows, maybe until spring.



It's gonna feel co-o-o-old outside.

I was planning on shaving down the cheeks on the 31st but had 0 time. So I figured I'd do it on the 1st but had 0 time. After that, I had some time constraints.

But here it is, the final product of 2 (and change) months of growth, then trimmed down to something moderately respectable.

See you all next year! Or this year, I guess, but much later this year. So as to almost be next year.


Another Christmas has come and gone. Family, friends and fun. Of course good food too.



Yes, those are tiny beards and tiny boobs. Your eyes are not mistaken.

After much delay I have posted the pictures of my prize. The one-of-a-kind Beards 4 Boobs 2010 winner T-shirt. I wasn't able to get all the angles (the HoNoToGroABeMo.org and Beards4Boobs URL are on the back), but you get the picture. Enjoy and thanks again for allowing me to participate, it was a blast.



Oh noes!

Luckily, the guacamole did not flow quite as well as the gin would have.

I intended on posting a picture every few days. When a week had gone by, I figured maybe once a week was okay. It appears that I can't even do that.

But look! My beard is actually almost not completely spotty!



MMmmm....Gummi Crabby Patty

Just can't beat a gummi crabby patty.


The days are all that much shorter. The snow is getting deeper. Come on snow...



Getting

Seems to be filling in nicely.

I am going to look at Christmas trees tomorrow after work. With any luck I will also be seen with one by my next post for it is time to get festive.



What a jumbled mess of pokey spines. But at least the tree looks good!

The tree is up. The beard is trimmed (just the neck and the longest whiskers). The Wesley is tired.

I go bed now.



A bit warm on a cold evening.

Just took a sauna. Need to cool off now.



Oh the horror!!

Just to spread some final bits love for the fundraising this year and the fun I had, I took one final photo in honor of Bob and his horror inducing picture from the beginning of the competition. I'd warn you to avert your eyes and remove small children from the room, but by now you've probably already seen the picture and your eyeballs have melted form your skull. Sorry about that...



Fig. 1: Tamed and Trimmed

Fig. 2: The Chinstrap, or as I like to call it, Douchebag ID

Fig. 3: The popular (and socially acceptable) Van Dyke Goatee (worn by my evil twin)

Fig. 4: I called it The Chubby Conquistador when I wore it; it appears to be formally recognized as the Napoleon III Imperial; but most people think of it as the Colonel Sanders

Fig. 5: Pssh. Movember

Okay, a few last minute eChecks cleared, one is still outstanding, and there was some finagling with Mr. Johnson, who agreed to cover some of the PayPal fees with me, and we've come to our grand total for 2010: $3,902.70. In the end, due to the timing of a very large (and very welcome!) donation, almost $3,500 of your donations went 100% into the pot. For the rest, PayPal got their customary 30 cents + 2.9%.

The record doesn't reflect it just yet, but Mr. Harrison just squeaked past me on account of two eChecks submitted well in advance of the deadline, but one, as I mentioned, still has to clear. When all the ducats find their way into my PayPal and checking accounts, I'll move it around and then send that figure off to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation where it will then be used to destroy cancer. Who knows? Possibly with the aid of arsenic-based bacteria.

On the entertainment side, I'm pleased that so many of you made it back nearly every day. I'm a little disappointed in my own lack of inspiration, but I did come up with one or two good posts.

I feel like the community aspect was a little bit lacking this year. Possibly because I feel my stewardship of the site was a bit lackluster as well. I welcome any and all feedback. Did the Leia sideboob make you uncomfortable commenting? Let me know. You don't have to comment to do so, you can email me (blob@honotogroabemo.org). There was a pretty serious performance issue the first couple of weeks, but I found and sorted it out, albeit possibly too late. New feature requests? Send them my way as well. I'm definitely going to get you an RSS feed in the off season.

I'm also going to see about registering for tax deductible status in this off season, so that hopefully next year your donations can be fully deductible.

Thanks again to one and all. A couple of you have already posted that you'll be back for next year and that's exciting. I'll try to keep this a place worth coming back to. And I'll be here, as well, growing my beard and searching for inspiration.

Happy 2011!


This has been a wonderful experience.

Next year I'm going to help again, and I'll do my best to rally more folks for this noble cause.

And tomorrow morning, I'm going to trim my bear a bit, and then decide what to do with my chingrowth.

Thank you all who sponsored me, and thanks also to all the sponsors in general. Without your kind donations, we wouldn't have come this far.

Wannes out.



Dressing up the scruff

Wow!

Now, admittedly, we didn't reach the goal. I'm over the moon, however, that we topped last year's total. Particularly in light of where we were yesterday. For those who love numbers, we collected $1,564.51 in the last 24 hours.

We also crown a new winner in rookie Pete DiLillo despite a strong showing all month from Jeffrey. Crazy hats (and a generous employer) won out. We didn't make the $5,000, so I'm afraid I won't be shelling out for a new Kindle for you, Pete, but you will get a Fabulous T-Shirt. (Which will also be available for purchase in the coming weeks with proceeds, of course, benefiting the BCRF.)

I'll be back tomorrow with more wrap-up, but I'd like to give you all, readers, contributors, and especially our sponsors, the deepest and most sincere gratitude I can convey.

As for my own beard; well, simply behold its fuzzy, manly glory. More lush, more comfortable, and unfortunately a touch more grey than ever before, it fills me with pride. It does, of course, have to go as soon as possible because I look like a savage animal. A proud savage animal. A haircut is obviously in order soon thereafter.



I Pity the fool who did not donate.

Thanks to those of you who helped us out in our mission. Your money will help bring an end to horrible disease that has touched a lot of people.



It was that or "Draeb Anal"

Well, we did it. And by "we" I of course mean "I"

What did I do? Well, I grew a beard. I also pulled in a respectable portion of the donation money this year (6th place as of 10:45pm. Represent!)

Here she is in all her glory. I refer to my beard as a she so I'll remember to treat her like a lady.

Wait, that's boats, right?

Never mind then. Here's my beard. I don't think it looks all that bad. I'm taking the neck off tonight, or tomorrow if I get lazy. The rest I'll (as I said before) keep growing through December, with a little trimming as needed to not look like the crazy guy who sits at the bus stop talking to the Ke$ha poster.

A sincere thanks to everybody who donated anything, be it money, a prize, or even a couple friends who didn't understand why you were growing a beard, but were able to be talked into donating on your behalf.



Got the shrubbery all trimmed on the neck.

I would like to start by saying thank you to all who have donated. It is a very worthy cause.

How Not To Grow A Beard Month may be over once again for the year but my beard will keep growing until the warmth of spring is upon us. I will post a picture on here every couple of days or so.

Winter is trying once again to get her cold grip on us again. :0) I for one can hardly wait for a few feet of the white stuff to gather on the ground.

Thanks again.



This is my last beard of the year. I hope.

Well, it's over. What a month. I lasted a hell of a lot longer than I did last year, and I feel great about it. I couldn't manage the beginner luck of Jeffrey, and I certainly don't have as many hats as Pete. I didn't even have any cleavage shots, like Jeff G procured (hi, Tracy!).

But I did scrape together $95, and that's way more than my beard has ever done in the past. Which makes me proud!

But we're not done yet! If we manage to get just $150 more, we will host the Shave-Off. Greiner's already in. The most creative mustachio'd masterpieces will be posted on GeekDad, assuming we break last year's record.



Beardy Cmar: The Boob Warrior

Many men entered. One beard is, shortly, to leave.

Well, with the top honor, that is. The rest of the beards get to leave, too, with the satisfaction of a job well done.

In the waning hours of this exercise in oncology-enhancing generosity, I find myself exceedingly thankful to everyone who has donated. In the spirit of friendly competition, I will aim the thankfulness at those who have given for the sake of my jaw-thicket - due to three last minute contributions, I find myself suddenly in second place as I type this, just below the pack-leading Jeffery. In the more important spirit of what we are doing here, this thankfulness applies to all donors for all beards.

This is a most excellent cause. If you have not yet given, and want to shake up the standings in these final hours, now's your chance.

One last time for 2010:

Sensation: The face insulation has matured to a jaw-hugging natural ease.

Palpation: A true, soft, luxuriant hedge of crackling virility.

Personal satisfaction rating: 5 (out of 5 Norsemen)