In part 1010 of my 1100-part series, Better Know a Beard, we meet a podcaster and web developer who—
Wait, didn't I profile Chris Miller in the previous installment? Oh, this is another web developer who has appeared on multiple podcasts. Right. Got it. Where was I?
The first thing one ought to know about David Moore is that he does not regularly sport a beard.1 The second thing one ought to know is that David is the co-host of The Game Master Show, which is billed as "the best RPG podcast with glowing teddy bears". David also maintains a blog, Virtual Thoughts from eRoom-D, which is largely concerned with web development and game design.2
David may or may not have had something to do with the cancellation of Firefly, but he almost certainly was involved with After Serenity a roleplaying game campaign set in the same universe as Joss Whedon's ill-fated television series.3
David lives in Illinois with his wife, children and dirigible.
1His wife won't let him.
2I know what you're thinking: there's a Venn diagram waiting to happen.
3No, the other one.
The Writer speaks of himself in the third person. The Writer did not, sadly, have a pipe with which to also pose.
The Writer, who is not really much of a writer at all but fancies himself to be one nonetheless, sits all day and watches his fourteen thousand word deficit dwindle to but eighty-nine hundred and change. He rejoices in the ease with which words flow as his plots begin to unravel, for they were so difficult to ravel in the first place.
He has earned himself a Rock Band break. And also, a pie break. And so he does not have much time for concocting beard prose or poetry. He is, however, rather proud of his previous effort and also his embellishing of Better Know a Beard: Kris Johnson. He hopes you have read and enjoyed both.
He also hopes that you will be so inspired by either his words, and by this of course he means the words from previous posts, or by the becoming thickness of his beard that you will sponsor him so that he may not wallow in mediocrity, even though he may recognize that as his lot.
He also apologizes to his English teachers for his run-on sentences. He knows it's wrong and yet he continues to write them. He intends to call it style.
Puh, puh, please?!?!?
Alright people. I'm officially losing a beard growing competition and the person directly ahead of me lacks the ability to grow a beard. This is entirely not right (although completely expected and maybe even proper).
It was a slow podcasting month for me, unfortunately. I got the two episodes out that I promise my listeners each month (haven't missed that deadline in over three years now), but the most recent episode released, oh, a few hours ago, leaving people about 30 hours (that could be wrong, I've been active today and it has left me too tired to do any math, even simple math) so who knows if my pleas for sponsorship on that episode will garner anything at all. Although when recording it a few days ago the guest promised to donate, and evidence implies that he did so (Thanks to Phil Menard).
So I guess what I'm saying is...sponsor me. Were you going to give to some other, facial-hair-challenged member of this competition? Well fertilizing that field isn't going to get them anywhere. Me, however, my cheek brushes could use the assist.
What are you waiting for? Huh?
In my ears: MacBreak Weekly (from last week...darn, missed a chance for a free audiobook from Audible)
Beard level: Lip beard is raising it's annoyance level by being extra pokey, whereas the cheeks are annoying for not filling out. They never do, I shouldn't be surprised, I just thought that since it's for a good cause for once (thrice actually, I used to organize a beard-growing competition for homeless shelters at my old school) they would show up, but they have not.
Sponsor of the day: Daniel Perez, not because he's donated, but to maybe get his attention and then hope that he'll donate (I should have been doing this all along...drat). ;-)
Big Butter Jesus has my back.
The month is winding down quickly, so I need to find bearded reinforcement wherever I can. That's why I chose to spend Day 28 receiving divine follicular inspiration from one of the most distinctive of my near-hometown landmarks, the Hemi-Corpus Jesus Golem.
Officially christened (hah) the King of Kings, this misguided monster of spiritual "inspiration" sits, beseeching both Heaven and Interstate 75, in front of the Solid Rock Church in Monroe, OH.
Since it's construction in 2004, the statue has garnered several more descriptive nicknames, including Touchdown Jesus (for obvious reasons), Big Butter Jesus (for it's resemblance to a massive butter sculpture), Quicksand Jesus (again, for obvious reasons), among others. I've taken to calling it the Hemi-Corpus Jesus Golem, given it's similarity to people who have undergone a hemicorporectomy procedure, and my suspicion that it's true purpose is to become an animated instrument of vengeance that, someday soon, will drag itself across I-75 and pound the Hustler store there into dust with it's cross-sledge.
It has even been immortalized in song by regional comedian Heywood Banks.
Hemi-Corpus Jesus Golem, may my donations be many, and my crackling virility hedge grow in thick and full!
Sensation: the brisk wind bothers not my face
Palpation: the soft face-mat continues its self-weaving process
Personal satisfaction rating: 3.5 (out of 5 hemi-Norsemen)
Amazed!
There is a certain lack of follicles on the left side of my neck. But, it has nothing to do with me. It's all the razors fault. Or maybe it's the shaving cream. Could it possibly be the mirror playing tricks on me while I attempt to trim?
Okay, so it seems that the shape of things(me) has affected the outcome of the end results of the appearance of my beard.
The required amount of total donations to rectify this problem is unknown to me, but I'm sure that every bit helps.
Welcome to the Beard Zone
For today, let's dispense with the geek machismo and contemplate this: 12 individuals. 11 beards. One goal: $2500. Current total: $1,801.25.
That's about $700 remaining, or about $60 per person. If 24 people step up, pick a beard, and donate $30, we'll be there. So if you've enjoyed this little jape so far, ask yourself: have you donated? Is $30 really too much for supporting mammary health? I think not. There are 2 days remaining. Please donate.
And those that have already given, thank you. This beard is for you.
In part eleventy-three thousillion of my twelve-part series, Better Know a Beard, we meet a man who moved back to Cleveland. Alas, there is neither enough time in the month nor are there enough letters in the alphabet to fully explore the psychological peculiarities that would compel a man to do such a thing.
Chris Miller is many things: husband, father, codeshaman, coffee snob, Mac owner, overlord, podcaster and reformed LARPer. He is also a thinking man, and occasionally his thoughts can not be contained within the boundaries of his own mind. When Chris releases his thoughts, he does so at Unquiet Desperation, where a sufficiently curious and resourceful person might also find episodes of a podcast by the same name.
Chris may well be the most co-dependent (or perhaps cooperative) man alive. He has co-hosted no less than four podcasts and co-founded Podiobooks.com, where can be found more than 360 free audiobooks.
Oh, those co-podcasts?
- The Round Table from The House of the Harping Monkey, a discussion of mythology as it relates to popular culture in general and roleplaying games in particular. Co-hosted with Mick Bradley and Kris Johnson.
- Shadowdance, an exploration of alternate spirituality. Co-hosted with Michelle Belanger.
- The NaNoMonkeys, featuring tips and tricks for participants of National Novel Writing Month. Co-hosted with P.G. Holyfield, Mur Lafferty and Kris Johnson.
- The Secret Lair, the adventures of two thirty-something midwestern geeks in their quest for tri-county domination. Co-hosted with Kris Johnson.
Chris lives near Cleveland with his wife, three children, and MacBook.
Off Kilter for sure.
I am for sure going to have to consult the mirror tomorrow night with a bit more vigor and trim the extra(leftover) from one side to "even" it all out.
Do people actually notice when I'm talking to them and then decide not to stare at the total lopsidedness of my beard?
Time to even things out...
I was going for exhausted, but got the crazy eyes again instead
As the month of intense beard growth begins to wind down, it's only natural to reflect back on what has passed.
If they're anything like me, the other men and woman of questionable beard growth on this site have all learned a bit about themselves along the way. I've learned that madness isn't really so bad. You fear it; you feel it encroaching on your consciousness like a malevolent being as the itch takes you to the breaking point, but then there's suddenly a soothing calm. The world almost begins to make sense to your addled brain. You post a poorly thought out retort that seems to inadvertently change the tenor of the shared website.
And then, there is the rush at the end; the Thanksgiving preparations, the push to make those hairs sprout just that little bit further, the pathetic begging for sponsorship, the waiting to be profiled in Better Know a Beard, the ridiculous word count that you have to maintain to finish your first NaNoWriMo after five failed attempts. This all conspires to bring you crashing back to reality and you begin to contemplate the razor.
The razor, the finely sharpened metal edge that bookends November. The warden of your beard, the savior of your neck. The razor awaits you at the end of your journey. Will you greet it? Will you shun it? Will you savor its bite as your skin, now unaccustomed to its daily machinations, offers up its very life blood to the razor?
December will tell. After just three more days.
Please be generous to Cmartender. Beard is hard to grow.
...and, in part, the artifacts in their abode.
Day 27 found me catching up with with family within the venerable walls of a structure that contains many a childhood memory - my grandparents' house in Norwood, OH. One feature of this treasured domicile is the numerous wall-relics and ancient signage adorning the basement, where many hours were spent around the great convertible alter of pool and ping-pong. Here, I pose with one particular sign that taught me four early life lessons that I carry with me to this very day:
1. bartenders are a valuable, hardworking lot, and should be treated with great respect and tippage
2. a hand-painted wooden sign simply cannot be beat for engaging the senses and conveying messages of import
3. Pabst Blue-Ribbon Beer, under the right advertising circumstances, appears to be a refreshing and tasty beverage
4. there is very little truth in advertising
Sensation: the Ohio River's breeze may be frigid, but this face is warm
Palpation: although light on the cheeks, the feathery softness is pleasing
Personal satisfaction rating: 3.5 (out of 5 American lager-drinking Norsemen)
I practice unhinging my jaw for this moment
Today we celebrated the traditional day after Thanksgiving, also known as Leftovers Day. As the song goes, "we went back to the church, had another thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat, and didn't get up until the next morning, when we all had to go to court." Well, except for the church and the court part. And there was no garbage or shovels and rakes and implements of destruction. And no Officer Obie.
Here you see me engaging in the traditional closing activity of Leftovers Day, the Eating of the Pie. The pie in this case is lemon meringue, which is an occasional tradition of my family (as the secondary pie, after pumpkin -- it alternates with apple and mince). As you can see, it is delicious.
It also promotes beard growth, which will help me put the finishing touches on this bad boy.
Beard...now with more dog!
Today I supplemented my picture with a dog. Not just any dog. My dog.
He's a miniature sch(it'll be a miracle if I spell this right and now that I've interrupted mid-word my spell check won't help)auser who's registered name is "General Dwight D. Eisenhower" although we just call him Ike.
He's a lazy dog who barks when a leaf falls on the ground outside. But don't be fooled. He's not protecting anything. He's just that friendly.
If you ever come to out house don't be intimidated by the 20 pound ball of energy. He's not trying to keep you away, rather, he's welcoming you and just wants to say hello. Very loudly and quite aggressively.
Be warned, if you sit down he will jump in your lap. He won't bite, but he will smell your breath. It's what he does, I can't explain it.
Oddly, we did not know that these personality traits would emerge in the tiny fuzzy thing we brought home that one day. You remember, back when he could fit inside my pocket. Not that I ever checked.
But it just so happens that we picked his name without knowing any of these things about him. What a coincidence when we learned that both our pet and the better known, but less cuddly historical version of General Dwight D. Eisenhower also was not very protective but instead highly enthusiastic to meet new people.
Luckily the German people are not good at interpreting intentions of Americans and were exceedingly frightened at the man and surrendered to the Allied forces before anything drastic or inhumane had to happen. At least that's how I teach World War II. It's a much happier world that way. :-)
In my ears: The Verve Pipe...does that take you back?
Beard level: Lip Beard situation calmed by natural means (I think this means my lip lip has been consumed by the lip beard).
Sponsor of the day: You're running out of time...you better sponsor now!
In part eight of my twelve-part series, Better Know a Beard, we meet a contender who sets herself apart from the rest in two ways:
- She does not possess a Y-chromosome.
- She is arguably better at not growing a beard than any other participant in How Not to Grow a Beard Month.
Mur Lafferty is responsible for approximately 22.7% of all content currently available on the Internet.1 Most of this content is available at The Murverse, but here are a few that ought to be singled out:
- I Should Be Writing is a podcast "for wannabe writers, by a wannabe writer", though Mur could hardly be called a "wannabe" anymore. Her superhero novel, Playing For Keeps, was published in 2008.
- Heaven is a free, multi-season audiobook that begins with the death of two friends, Kate and Daniel, and follows them through the afterlife.
- What happens with a company that provides zombies as temporary employees merges with a local web company? Find out in The Takeover.
- Geek Fu Action Grip is, alas, on indefinite hiatus, but that shouldn't stop you from listening to Mur's geeky essays.
Mur lives in North Carolina2 with her husband, daughter and little brown dog.
1Very approximately.
2If you're keeping count, that's three beards (or not beards) from North Carolina. So far.
Uh...yeah. The less said about this guy the better. Moving on...
Exhausted, but grateful
Happy Thanksgiving to one and all. Here's hoping you each had good cause to give thanks today. I certainly do.
I want to thank our donors and our contributors, for taking this crazy idea and running with it. While 2009 has been difficult, the fact that, thanks to your help, I'm going to be able to write a check for nearly (or more than!) two thousand dollars to an organization who is going to use it to stab the disease that killed my mom in the eye, has given me reason to be thankful anyway.
Crooked!
After a very delicious meal and visiting with family, I x-boxed until it was past yesterday and into today.
So Happy Day afer Thanksgiving to everyone.
It appears that I have to take a closer look and see if my beard is crooked, or does it just look so because I'm holding the camera with my left hand while taking the pictures.
Immediately after the final bite.
Day 26 is Thanksgiving for us folk in the United States, and for my part, has been spent with good food and better company.
Many thanks to all who have donated to our little cause, and especially to those who have specifically contributed to my own charitable growth. You have given to one of the truly great causes - mammary health - and for this you will go down in legend.
And now, I give in to food coma...
Sensation: my face is comfy, and my stomach is full
Palpation: the soft submandibular mat continues to thicken
Personal satisfaction rating: 3.5 (out of 5 Norsemen)
Carving the bird. Only 6 hours of cooking for 20 minutes of eating...followed by months of leftovers.
Today was going to be a happy beard post. It's Thanksgiving. I successfully made my first Thanksgiving meal from scratch. We went to a movie. All is good.
Then I did some last minute work to finish up the assignment for my Master class that's due today. After turning it in I look at examples from other students in the discussion board and now am seriously questioning if I did it right.
I find that my Master's program is like this a lot. Based on the instructions given I feel like I did exactly what was asked of me. But now I fear that despite that I failed to meet expectations. More than once as I've worked on this degree I've found myself re-doing an assignment because the instructions suck and since it's all online there's no good and effective way to check with the instructor.
So now I'm all flustered, but forget it. I'm not going to let this get me down. I can screw up one or two assignments in this class and still walk away with a good grade. But I can't wait to finish my degree in a few more classes because I have been sick and tired of the school I'm using for years and would have left them ages ago if I wasn't already so far into it.
Regardless, it's a holiday and it's late. So I'm going to bed, hope everyone had a good one.
Am I in the mood for evil... or pie?
The beard is on break today for National Stuffing and Pie Day.
There is apparently also some aspect of thanks required on this day. So thank you, all my sponsors. Especially the anonymous sponsor who pushed me over $200. So thank you, mysterious benefactor. And thank you as well, dear reader.
No Jacksons were harmed in the taking of this photo.
Well, it is becoming obvious that my beard will not be receiving enough proper fertilizer (in the form of sponsorship dollars) so it's time to take matters into my own hands.
Someone, save me from myself. $700 would do nicely, but I'll even accept as little as $100.
Do I hear $90? $90? Anyone? $75. Final offer. $75 for the man with blond highlights in his beard. No. Those are highlights. Shut up, yes they are.
$50?