OMINOUS

Reader,

This nation is in crisis. Someone has to do something about it, and perhaps that someone is me.

We're losing boobs at an alarming rate. This is an evil which cannot stand. Join me, rise up, raise that sponsorship, and let us eradicate the cancer that plagues the lovely mounds of flesh that bring such joy to young and old alike.

It's a work in progress. --Ed

Concentrate

Yes, I did some more manly things today to help my follicles sprout and be proud.

The question has to be posed: Is one able to think they're beard to grow more?

I am trying, every now and again, to think of things to help my beard along.

Fluffy bunnies. Fragrant clover. Bedazzling rainbows.

After an extended illness, it is a soul-refreshing thing to return to work. Toiling honestly in fruitful labor that is appreciated by all, and at every turn greeting by the stunning and well-disposed personages who felt your absence as but a vacancy in their very souls, now rendered complete and, nay, meaningful with your return. Today I was greeting by a parade of perfumed, be-ribboned midgets who danced intricate choreography around my gleeful form as a sign of welcome, after which a 7'8" man named Iakkov tossed rose petals about me in the air from a deep basket as though autumn had fast forwarded in but an instant to spring, and the trees had burst forth from their fall slumber to full April glory.

Ahhh, good times. Day 5 finds nothing but respect and camaraderie. Yup. Nothing but.

Senation: the neckline itch, although still present, is transitioning into a lovely tickle

Palpation: still rough about the Van Dyke region, but transitioning to soft and feathery in the mandibular region

Personal satisfaction rating: 3.5 (out of 5 Norsemen)

Evil first, then pie

Here you see me in my usual pose at work¹: Deep in concentration, making the games that all the kids love. The other advantage of this pose is it shows off the beard progress reasonably well. Unfortunately the pinhole camera on my MacBook does a poor job of showing off its glorious nature, but believe me, it's there.

The itchiness on the neck is getting progressively worse. My understanding is that trimming the cervical region is legal, but I will give it at least another week before cleaning up that area. By then it'll probably require a machete.

¹ Yeah, this picture was taken at home. But you get the idea.

I'm not really this happy today. But, can't help but smile for the camera.

Sorry that this isn't up as early as usual. Been a long day that included attending a funeral and shopping for groceries. Yeah, funky day indeed.

Maybe a fuzzy picture will make it look more grown in

The itchiness is not here yet. I like to think that it's because I'm still within my comfort zone of unshavenness, but really it's because, quite frankly, I don't get all that much growth in the faceular region.

As you can see.

I get by with a little help from my friends.

Today's picture is with my son. He's been having a rough time lately with this thing called "being a pain in the rear". Like the screaming fit we had for 30 minutes today that started with the problem of "Daddy went potty before me".

How dare I!

So after some calm discussion on my end and screaming and crying, and finally some screaming minutes in time out which eventually led to a calmed child and an apology the little one is spending time in my lap feeling better.

As I type this he is scouring my typing looking for "G"s. I don't know why he is looking for "G"s, but this seems quite important. So for him...G, G, G, G, G, G, G, g, g, g, g, g, g, g.

He just told me that he's happy now and gave me a big kiss on the cheek. So it seems that suddenly HoNoToGroABeMo has solved all of my parental woes. Thanks HoNoToGroABeMo!

In My Ears: Know Direction, a Pathfinder focused podcast that I'm helping organize.

Beard Level: Looks beard-ish to me.

Daily Sponsor: It could be you! Where are your donations. Although I think I got a good donation from my sister-in-law recently, so to her...Thanks!

Want to know a little more about the people behind the beards you're sponsoring this month? Here's the first in my eleven part series, "Better Know a Beard".

Wesley Clifford is the creative force behind the Planet Retcon Radio and Volcanicast podcasts. Planet Retcon Radio featured fully-dramatized science fiction tales authored by Wesley and performed by Wesley and several of his extremely talented friends. The flagship of Planet Retcon was "The Stargate Cafe", a Parsec-Award-winning series that followed the adventures of the staff of an eatery located in the bowels of an interstellar transit station.

Planet Retcon—along with its second series, "The Log of the Crimson Lien"—is on indefinite hiatus, but Wesley can still be heard every week on Volcanicast, the weekly roundup of trending Google search topics. It's an irreverent and definitely adult-oriented exploration into what people are looking for...and why.

Thursday... um... yea.

Not that I am font of snark or humor like Mr. Johnson is, but today, I just don't even have my meager supply.

So here is me, day five. Coming in nicely.

Java? Really? Crap.

Today finds me working from home, in Java, of all things. Hell.

Still...the beard, it is manly and coming in nicely.

There is also more white than I remember in it.

Hurm.

I was doing sports! That's manly, right?

Dear Diary,

Today I worked really hard on my hair growing. As you can see from the attached snapshot, I think it paid off. Not only is my beard thick and lush, the hair atop my head is out of control!

Also, I did sports today. So very manly. Just like keeping a diary.

Seems to be a few follicles.

Even though the pictures from day 2 and day 3 are exciting to the point of unbelievable to all but a few of you out there, I'm going to skip them and opt to post todays only. Just so you all know, I did manly things today to help my beard out. Because as with all thigs Johnson, it takes a bit to coax us. Especially in the areas of conversation and hair growing. Some hairs just grow better on some areas of us than others.

If you take the indefinite integral of 1/Cabin dCabin...

I'd like to say that this is how I normally look, what with the thoughtful pose and all, but in truth I'm really wondering what will happen if I keep pulling on my chin. Will it come off? And if it does, will the rest of my face fall apart, like Schwarzenegger's disguise in Total Recall? Further testing will be required, I suspect.

No, there was no whisky -- or gin -- involved. Why do you ask?

A bit late on the upload, but with no good reason but procrastination on my part.

Not at all Idol-like.

If there's one thing I remember about 1985, it's the cover of the January issue of Rolling Stone magazine. It's not so much the image—Billy Idol wearing little more than a leather jock strap and his signature facial expression—but the title that accompanied the photo: BILLY IDOL: Sneer of the Year. Every time I hear an Idol song, I think of the phrase "Sneer of the Year", and so, when I prepared to perform "White Wedding" in Rock Band with my niece and nephew (on drums and bass, respectively) this evening, I curled my upper lip into a pale approximation of Idol's expression.

I think we can all agree that I completely failed to capture the rebelliousness that Idol embodies. I think we can also agree that I ought not, under any circumstance, attempt to take further steps to replicate Idol's January 1985 Rolling Stone cover; if for no other reason, then for the sake of the children.

Now that we've settled that, let's move on to the matter of my beard, or what passes for such. I think, after a mere four days, I've achieved what, on most men, would normally be called a five o'clock shadow.

That's just sad.

Taking a nod from Jeff, my Sponsor of the Day is Ivan, of The Video Game Show. Though he hates all things, I think even Ivan loves boobs.

These cold, dead eyes speak the truth - this head is not actual flesh.

It has been previously speculated by Mr. Johnson that my head is, in fact, an elaborate prosthesis whose major design flaw is in the unblinking, frankly artificial eyes. I have attempted to disabuse him of this notion, lest the truth be revealed, but I have been foiled in my attempts to do so - Mr. Miller correctly noted that my pose from yesterday is impossible for the normal musculature of the human face to achieve. He rightly suspects that some form of demented meat puppetry is involved.

I am undone. The head is, indeed, a prosthesis. Fie on you both for dragging this out into the harsh, skin-cancerous glare of direct sunlight.

You must admit that the the facial hair generation techniques in use on this false head of mine are quite convincing, no? Such a dusky, full Day 4 facial growth? Yesss...

Senation: increasing prickly-itch about the neckline

Palpation: abrasiveness has all but transitioned to a firm smoothness

Personal satisfaction rating: 3.5 (out of 5 Norsemen)

What's going on in here?

This is about what I normally look like throughout the year, beard wise. Unless I'm going out or something.

The goofy look on my face I cannot explain, except my general air of confusion that I always present.

I have not written any NaNo words today, but I'm still a little hopeful that I'll get some in.

Ahhhhh! There's something small and rough and hair-like growing on my face!

Okay all, the beard is feeling rather good. I feel like it's filling in thicker than usually. I'm really pumped.

Of course I'm almost certainly kidding myself. In fact, I'm absolutely sure that I don't know what I'm talking about.

I made a call out to the RPG Podcasting community for support and I got two donors. I made a call out to the RPG Bloggers community and got nothing. So you know what that means, people...podcaster > bloggers.

I'm honestly surprised. The blogging community is really awesome and active and made of cool. I expected good things from them. Unfortunately, I think that they're a bit caught up in other events in their world these days.

I guess they still have plenty of time to prove me wrong, but for now, it's time to turn to other communities to gather support. I'm about to slip in the rankings from 4th to 5th or 6th.

Although now I realize that I really need to get a new podcast episode out so I can hit my listeners. If only 1% donate $1 it could give me a good boost.

In my ears: This Week in Tech podcast

Beard level: Pleasant stubble for running my fingers across

Sponsor of the Day: None. Maybe I'll email some company contacts and see if they want to give...or it could be YOU!!

Here is my face for today. The expression is more like the Photoshopped denuded marmot cheeks of yesterday, that Dr. Cmar so aptly pointed out.

I'm just back from lunch, my middle and my beard are both growing. The forest on my face is growing well and just starting to itch in places. My middle? Well, that's not the subject of this contest.

My facial hair is past the point of pot scrubbing as Mr. Van Verth's is, so I am hoping that I can stay ahead of him. My wife is nearly to the point of not kissing me, which for this site is a good thing, for my personal life... not so much.

Can I haz Dr. Pepper pleez...?

Yep, it's the day again. The day that doesn't know if it's the mid-point of a work week or the first day on the slide downhill toward the weekend.

Ah well. Either way, it's time to work.