After many an hour taking care of one of my sick children, and playing Champions Online, I have taken this manly step forward and grown this veritable forest of follicle... something.

Really, the lighting makes it more than it seems. Which is probably a sad thing. It feels like (palpation as Dr. Cmar would say) course and ineffective sandpaper.

Smoothly Shaved on the Second.

Yes, sirs. I, in my magnanimousnous, have decided to give myself a handicap. "How?" you ask. Well, by the simple means of beginning this party a couple of days later than the rest. Yes, indeed. I did not shear my mass of manly medulla until early this morning, November the Second.

And so, my friends, all I can say is, "Bring it!"

Beside which, Beards4Boobs is just awesome! Even made my wife giggle.

Like fuzzy sandpaper

And here it is, lads. This is what you're up against. Note the significant darkening of the upper lip and chin.

That's right. SIGNIFICANT.

On the other hand, I need to up my sponsorship game. You guys are putting me awesomely to shame! We've collected a staggering $301 already, only $20 of which I can put claim to. I am humbled and overjoyed.

Rise, my pretties...

So we have reached the 24 hour mark, and I must say... I'm actually not disappointed. I am under no illusions about my ability to swiftly generate the lush, uniform jaw-mane of a Mr. Van Verth, for example, and the fact that I have both visually and palpably appreciable grainage at the Day 1 mark is reassuring.

Then again, I've been prostrate most of the weekend battling a non-swine flu illness, so my body has had plenty of extra time to devote to follicular pursuits. That, and the one-hour daylight savings buffer was a generous gift from the world at large to the cause.

Gentlemen, tomorrow we enter the work-week, and then it's really on.

Sensation: still disturbingly tingled by breezes

Palpation: fine-grain, especially under the jaw, with maxillary smoothness

Personal satisfaction rating: 4 (on a scale of 5 Norsemen)

Youthful and Determined

Just to establish my bona fides, here is my baby-faced self as of this morning. The actual shaving process occurred at 4pm yesterday, so as to provide an equal starting point against the nefarious Dr. Cmaaarrr.

The result this morning is... disappointing. I would estimate the scruffiness as about a #300 grit, sufficient to smooth out a rough spot, but hardly industrial abrasiveness. Clearly I am out of practice. Time to go do some chin-ups and lip curls.

I can haz NRG? plz?

I have the fortune, or perhaps the misfortune carrying the Satanberry (the support phone) this weekend. You see me here, after having been up since 4am, freshly returned from buying Pumpkin Spice coffee from my local bagel shoppe.

There should be more stubble. After a long night (or a very early morning), I deserve more stubble.

Newly shorn, and ready to grow!

The post is going up late, but the picture was on time!

I almost forgot to shave today, but I remembered at the last moment. Wouldn't want to be cheating with 2-3 days of stubble to start the event.

So here we are, slight smirk and shower curtain in the background. Let's see how this grows.

RAWR!

To the left you will see my complete Halloween outfit this year: A pair of bunny ears. They were an 11th-hour (Well, 6th hour, but trick or treating was from 6 to 8 so...) decision and went over mostly well with the kids.

I donned the ears again this morning, after shaving the unmanly stubble that had encroached upon my face over the past several days, and took the picture you are now gazing longingly at. At some point in there, I also wrote 1500 words for my NaNo novel, so all in all it's been a pretty productive morning.

For comparison purposes I'm rocking this picture Two-Face style. Also, it's first thing in the morning. Thus the hair and attire.

I couldn't remember if I was supposed to shave on Day 1 or Day 0...so I'm doing it first thing Day 1, where as usually my pictures will come from the afternoon...it's a fair compromise.

It is so.

Shut up.

In any case, I opted to make this picture for Day 1 a comparision picture. I was going to take a pic pre-shaving and then one post-shaving and splice them together.

Then I forgot.

So as I was in the midst of shaving when I remembered I just stopped at the half-way point and I took this picture to be my comparison.

It is now time for me to go back and finish the other half.

Beard Status: Silky Smooth/Scruffy Stuff

In My Ears: Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Primary Phase) audiobook

Beard Sponsor of the Day: Myself. That's right, I donated to myself. What? I'm willing to sell this space each day to anyone who donates towards my win and sends an email to let me know it happened.

Smile and the world smiles with you.

It's becoming something of a tradition for my son and I to wear matching Hallowe'en costumes, and I've worked this tradition into a sort of synchronicity with How Not to Grow a Beard Month. In 2007, on the eve of the first HoNoToGroABeMo (when it was just me and my blog), I shaved so I could be The Red Skull to Kyle's Captain America. Last year, my naked chin was necessary so I could play Luke Skywalker to Kyle's Yoda.

This year, Kyle wanted to be Batman.

He wanted me to be Robin.

While Robin is certainly clean shaven (having not quite reached puberty), there's just no way I'm going to don yellow tights and green short-shorts. I have my...well, it's not dignity, but at a glance it bears some passing resemblance to dignity.

I offered up what I felt was a more appropriate solution: The Dark Knight's eternal nemesis, the Clown Prince of Crime known as The Joker. But which Joker? Heath Ledger? Jack Nicholson? No, I decided my costume would be an homage to the greatest Joker of all time and—not coincidentally—a man who appreciated the value of facial hair: Cesar Romero.

It's no secret that Romero prized his own moustache so much that he refused to shave it before assuming the role of The Joker, arch-villain to Adam West's Batman. And that's why I'm sporting a moustache with my Hallowe'en costume, a moustache that I have just now removed (along with the rest of my Joker garb).

My face is cleanly-shorn and November is here. Let it begin.

Yeah; that's about as clean a shave as I can get

Behold the baby soft smoothness of my chin, for it is the last time you'll see it. I am physically restraining my follicles from shooting forth hairs until the stroke of midnight. Shortly thereafter, I expect to embarrass all of my competitors. Do not be alarmed if the image beside my future posts resembles more a great ape than a man.

And this is what I destroyed to begin. Note that it had not been growing all that long before this evening's final shave

Also, I want to quickly thank everyone for the support of Beards4Boobs for the Ann Voegerl Memorial Breast Cancer Research Fund. (AVMBCRF just rolls off the tongue, no?). I had scarcely dared to hope that we'd pick up any donations by month's end; but before its beginning, we'd collected $130, more than a quarter of my harebrained goal. Beseech your friends, neighbors, and colleagues for funding so that we can save the boobies. They're worth saving, don't you think? Also, keep in mind the fabulous prize*!

And now, to NaNoWriMo...

It is finished. I am one of the Beardless. I feel a breeze on my dimpled chin.

It is unsettling.

When I was considering doing HoNoToGroABeMo, I was informed that this whole thing is terribly silly. There was also, "Just keep that scratchy face away from mine." From another party, there was also, "Daddy, please don't."

So of course I had to.

As I am currently beard-less, an up-to-date picture would look weak in comparison to the manliness shown here already. So to demonstrate that I can grow with the big boys, so to speak, I present a picture from this time last year, prior to HoToShABeMo (How to Shave a Beard Month).

I am shaved and prepared. Bring it on.

The face, naked and open to the fall air. It shivers, but also tingles.

Day 0 is upon us.

My jaw has faced the razor, and my brave, noble follicles have paid the ultimate price. But soon, they will slowly rise, zombielike, to retake their rightful place.

I do not know the man in the picture, but I am assured that he will grow to be more familiar over the course of the month.

Guy Smiley, Checking In.

I had no intention of joining up again this year. I've been here. Done this. Several times, even over the course of the last year. Note the fullness of the beard, the glory of it. This comes naturally, unlike some of these poor, poor specimens.

And yet...when I heard about the "Beards4Boobs" aspect, where we're growing beards for a purpose beyond our own amusement...well...how could I say no? I sprout hair from my chin without any effort at all year round, but making it a way to combat breast cancer is sheer genius on Bob's part.

So, yeah. I'm totally in this for the chicks. And their breasts. You got a problem with that?

The beard pre-shaving for HoNoToGroABeMo 2009!

That's right ladies and gentlemen. You're local HoNoToGroABeMo champion is back.

What's that? There was no "winner" last year? Hooey, I say. Ask anyone I tell you to. They'll all confirm that I was the best beard grower in all the land and I'm here to reclaim my prize.

Out of curiosity, any chance we can keep the site "clean" so to speak? I'm a teacher and would love to advertise at school a bit to try and bring in some donations. But I can't do that if there's anything that's not "school appropriate" on the site.

A dick with a Van Dyke

Hello again, this is Wesley. I partook in this futile effort last year, and see no reason to not resingle my efforts this year. Other than the itchiness. And the looking like a terrorist for 3 weeks. But whatever, I'm in!

I was actually quite happy with the resultant beard. After I gave it a second month to actually fill in, I shaved off the extra and had a pretty decent Van Dyke that I wore for a few months until getting bored and shaving my entire head - face included - at the beginning of summer.

To the left you can see me with said facial accompaniment and what appears to be a bra. Upon further inspection you will note that not only IS it a bra, but the bra is attached to a cable. Hey, I don't tell you how to live your life, don't tell me how to live mine. In fact, that bra was hiding the final prize in a Geocache I found right here in Northeast Ohio and I have to tell you, facial hair when you're outside in the winter a lot is a boon.

Anyway, gentlemen, start your... follicles. Let's get this thing growing!

I'm sorry, sweet and oft-groomed face-fuzz... it's time to die for SCIENCE.

My history with the facial awesome did not begin until medical school, when I discovered the glory of the goatee and it's mustachioed cousin, the Van Dyke. I entered residency in 2001 clean-shaven, and as I slowly realized that chin hair = medical excellence, I have not seen said jaw-point since.

Well, apart from that one time in 2006 when I was very tired, and accidentally set the hair-trimmer to "1". But the less said about that, the better.

I first brandished my follicular face-fist during the Great Beard Experiment of '02, which, after a successful run, was called off in early 2003 on the count of humidity. I resisted wielding such a mandibular weapon again until 2007, when I decided that finally completing medical training and taking on full physician duties mandated taking on full jaw insulation. This I have maintained at varying lengths and shapes...

...until now.

Today is Day -1, and tomorrow I welcome my chin back into the world. Then, I will show you in daily pictures, along with the other manly men on this site, exactly How Not To Grow A Beard.

I would have done this thing of glory out of it's own innate glory-ness, but the fact that our exercise in dubious testosterone secretion is raising money for an excellent cause makes it truly worthwhile. Check out Beards4Boobs in the sidebar, or go here to sponsor a beard of your choice by donating to the Ann Voegerl Memorial Breast Cancer Research Fund. You'd better - I say so, and I'm a doctor.

This is how I wore the beard most of the year. I got cast as Don Quixote in a local production because of it.

November is nearly upon us once again. It's an interesting time of year; it seems to lend itself well to the creative pursuits as the summer activities wind down and the weather turns nasty.

I've been hacking on the site for the last few days, and I've implemented a number of features that I hope everyone will enjoy. Promised last year, but better late than never, I've added the slide show. You can see mine from last year at http://honotrogroabemo.org/index/2008/slideshow/blob. I see some major enhancements in its future; precaching the next image would be good, as would be the ability to change the frame rate.

Which brings me to the next new feature: The archive. You can view last year's site at http://honotogroabemo.org/index/2008. It's live and functional with its own database. You can comment, post, etc. Donations collected will still be applied to this year, however.

Mom and Dad at Margaritaville in Las Vegas, May, 2009

Which brings me to the next new feature: Beards4Boobs. I had mentioned at the end of last year that I'd like to use the site to collect a few dollars for charity, but the events of 2009 helped solidify the choice of charity. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in January; it had already metastasized, but with treatment we had hope for a number of years. Unfortunately, one of the undetected metastases was in her brain; it bled, leading to coma and death. She passed away on July 1 at the awfully young age of 58. In her honor, please see what you can do to secure some sponsorship for the Ann Voegerl Memorial Breast Cancer Research Fund. The person who collects the most sponsorship in November (though donations are always welcome) will receive a fabulous prize. As I've promised to cover PayPal fees as my contribution, whether that prize has a meatspace component or not depends entirely on the generosity of our readers.

That one doesn't segue into the last new feature very well, but here it is anyway: I've completed the Invite function. If you're a registered user, you can invite someone to join us.

A few more changes are in the works, so stay tuned. Happy Bearding!

Look at you! Never a sorrier bunch of scraggly-faced "men" have I ever seen! What's that on your face, son? Is that feeble growth your miserable excuse for a beard or is your pet squirrel shedding?

And you! My sweet Aunt Louise has a mole with a better beard than that pathetic scrap of chin fluff!

I've seen some sad facial hair in my day, boys, but you really take the prize. If this country was full of men like you back in the day, old man Gillette would have died in the poor house! That chin would go crying to its momma if a five-bladed powerhouse like the Fusion came anywhere near it! Hell, three blades is two too many for your worthless cheeks, and I only say that because I'm feeling generous! There's not enough growth on that jaw for even a single blade; you might as well shave with a baby spoon!

Get outta my sight! I don't want to look at your sorry mugs anymore. I'll give you thirty days to show me that your face isn't a barren wasteland, devoid of not only hair, but of any form of manliness. Go shave off those wimpy wisps and report back here in a month!