Savin' lives and growin' beards.
I often take it for granted that when I tell people in the global community at large that I am "a doctor," that they will believe me. This is not always the case. I could, for instance, be someone who is not a doctor, but who plays one on TV on podcasts and in other online fora. Or I may be engaged in a rather obtuse, long-lived and expensive solo LARP. In any case, a select few argue that since male physicians cannot have ponytails, I am not to be trusted.
Here, then, is proof of my doctorhood:
- I'm in a well-lit, emergency-room setting
- trauma bay doors are clearly visible over my right shoulder
- a telemetry monitor is obvious over my left shoulder
- I'm showing off my Day 10 growth with my patented "C'mon, I'm a doctor" look
Either that or I am the type of unqualified person who dresses up and hangs out in emergency rooms. Also possible.
Sensation: neckline itch is barely notable
Palpation: pleasantly smooth and feathery
Personal satisfaction rating: 3 (out of 5 Norsemen)
Feedback:
Actually, I have doubted your physicianicity due mostly to the fact that you don't seem to be an arrogant [slang for the male genitalia]1.
Since I do SCIENCE (as a hobby), this tells me one of three things MUST be true:
(a) Not all doctors are [slang for the male genitalia] or
(b) You are hiding the fact that you are [slang for the male genitalia] or
(c) You are not a doctor
You use words like "palpation" when most of us would use the admittedly less accurate "feel". This does not rule out (c); but, and particularly with the additional evidence above, it does reduce its likelyhood.
You have passed up several obvious opportunities to be arrogant and [slang for the male genitalia]ish and you have used self deprecating humor. This makes (b) less likely.
Thus, on balance, I must conclude that (a) not all doctors are douchenozzles.
You are changing my very world view, sir.
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1 I have promised to keep my comments PG-13ish. This one has proven to be particularly challenging.
It could be said that the same room looks much the same as the inside of a TV show set of a police station. Assuming such is true, because this is the inter-webs, you must not only be a doctor, but play one on TV!
You're not allowed to have ponytails? Is this for the sake of professional appearances, hygiene, convenience (I have long hair and I know how it gets in the way sometimes), or all of the above?
@Bob - Your exercise in logic is sound. Indeed, the correct answer would be (a). I will note that consistent feedback I received in medical school was that I was "not [slang for the male genitalia] enough," which I chose to take as a compliment, not the "constructive criticism" it was intended as.
@David - Wow, I could be a POLICE DOCTOR. Which, admittedly, would be a "coroner." Which, admittedly, is potentially fun.
@Amy - No, more of a sarcastic commentary that there are still physicians who believe that ponytails are somehow "unprofessional." As you may surmise, I do not fall into that backwards minority of a camp. But, if I wear scrubs and no white coat, people unfamiliar with me do tend to assume I'm a nurse...