Twisted beard envy? Or merely action figure appreciation?

G.I. Joe has long been a symbol of both patriotism and entertainment. And on this Day 11, which also happens to be Veterans Day, it also provides bearded inspiration. Behold, from the stock card of the action figure before me:

MACHINE GUNNER

Code Name: SSGT. ROCK 'N ROLL

FILE NAME: McConnel, Craig S. SN RA989091452

PRIMARY MILITARY SPECIALTY: Infantry

SECONDARY MILITARY SPECIALTY: PT Instructor

BIRTHPLACE: Malibu, California GRADE: E-5

SSGT. ROCK 'N ROLL was a surfer in Malibu prior to enlistment. He was also a weight lifter and played bass guitar in local rock bands. Is familiar with all NATO and Warsaw pack light and heavy machine guns. Graduated: Advanced Infantry Training (Top of Class). Specialized education: Covert Ops School.

"SSSGT ROCK 'N ROLL is cunning but naive, forceful but shy. Possesses a strong sense of loyalty to his teammates and is sincerely concerned about their wellbeing.A man of honor and integrity who can be counted on to hold the line."

They left out "rolls with an awesome, Nordic beard that enhances aim and distracts enemies."

A most sincere "thank you" to all who have served.

Sensation: normal face-feeling has completely returned

Palpation: feathery smoothness that is starting to gain a slight bulk

Personal satisfaction rating: 3 (out of 5 Norsemen)