Twisted beard envy? Or merely action figure appreciation?
G.I. Joe has long been a symbol of both patriotism and entertainment. And on this Day 11, which also happens to be Veterans Day, it also provides bearded inspiration. Behold, from the stock card of the action figure before me:
MACHINE GUNNER
Code Name: SSGT. ROCK 'N ROLL
FILE NAME: McConnel, Craig S. SN RA989091452
PRIMARY MILITARY SPECIALTY: Infantry
SECONDARY MILITARY SPECIALTY: PT Instructor
BIRTHPLACE: Malibu, California GRADE: E-5
SSGT. ROCK 'N ROLL was a surfer in Malibu prior to enlistment. He was also a weight lifter and played bass guitar in local rock bands. Is familiar with all NATO and Warsaw pack light and heavy machine guns. Graduated: Advanced Infantry Training (Top of Class). Specialized education: Covert Ops School.
"SSSGT ROCK 'N ROLL is cunning but naive, forceful but shy. Possesses a strong sense of loyalty to his teammates and is sincerely concerned about their wellbeing.A man of honor and integrity who can be counted on to hold the line."
They left out "rolls with an awesome, Nordic beard that enhances aim and distracts enemies."
A most sincere "thank you" to all who have served.
Sensation: normal face-feeling has completely returned
Palpation: feathery smoothness that is starting to gain a slight bulk
Personal satisfaction rating: 3 (out of 5 Norsemen)
Savin' lives and growin' beards.
I often take it for granted that when I tell people in the global community at large that I am "a doctor," that they will believe me. This is not always the case. I could, for instance, be someone who is not a doctor, but who plays one on TV on podcasts and in other online fora. Or I may be engaged in a rather obtuse, long-lived and expensive solo LARP. In any case, a select few argue that since male physicians cannot have ponytails, I am not to be trusted.
Here, then, is proof of my doctorhood:
- I'm in a well-lit, emergency-room setting
- trauma bay doors are clearly visible over my right shoulder
- a telemetry monitor is obvious over my left shoulder
- I'm showing off my Day 10 growth with my patented "C'mon, I'm a doctor" look
Either that or I am the type of unqualified person who dresses up and hangs out in emergency rooms. Also possible.
Sensation: neckline itch is barely notable
Palpation: pleasantly smooth and feathery
Personal satisfaction rating: 3 (out of 5 Norsemen)
Ok, maybe the light wasn't the best idea to display my growth...
It seems that the discussion of tending our mandibular lawns LIKE MEN ONCE DID has prompted a response, of sorts. I find it curious that said response contains many words, but no actual photographic proof of action to back said words up.
As such, on this lovely Day 9, I will not fall into some ill-advised language-based conflict with those who have chosen to "grow" their beards like boys now do. I instead show you my fuzzy progress, with some extra illumination to help you out.
Sensation: itch mostly receded, no trace of abnormal wind currents
Palpation: soft all about, with reducing peri-oral prickle factor
Personal satisfaction rating: 3 (out of 5 Norsemen)
A week's worth of work - not too shabby.
There has been talk on this Day 8, and even some straight-edged follow-through, of trimming the necklines by some participants. This is all well and good, and within the rules.
That said, I am inspired by the amazing generosity of those who have sponsored my own facial efforts, and everyone who has donated thus far. You demand more, and I intend to give it to you. As such, I am announcing that I will be growing my beard this month:
The LIKE MEN ONCE DID rules variant retains the core principles of HoNoToGroABeMo, but excludes the less manly add-on rules for comfort and appearance, namely trimming the neckline for comfort and other areas for length. It's not like I look down upon those who do for their puerile concessions to grooming during a month when the point is that we are not supposed to be grooming-
Oh. Wait. I do.
The gauntlet is thrown. I continue to be humbled by my generous sponsors, so my beard will grow unsnipped this month. Can you say the same?
Sensation: neckline prickle-itch is beginning to subside
Palpation: feathery softness globally, including the chin
Personal satisfaction rating: 3 (out of 5 Norsemen)
A beard? Who, me?! A felt creature cannot grow a beard!
One interesting side effect of shaving off longstanding facial hair is the number of people who realize something's changed about me, but aren't exactly sure what. The most popular comment among those who don't recognize the follicular absence has been "Wow, Dr. Cmar... have you lost weight?" (don't I wish a notable number of pounds were shed along with my whiskers) followed closely by "Are you feeling ok? You look run down..." (true, given my current recuperative state from an influenza-like illness, but not precisely what they were meaning).
Since today, in addition to being Day 7, is also National Bookstore Day, Laura and I headed to Constellation Books to celebrate. There, I tried to find a better disguise than merely "shorn." Unfortunately, I don't think that "bearded muppet" is something I should be attempting to pull off.
Sensation: that thorny neckline itch means manly growth
Palpation: soft but firm globally except for the anterior chin, which still remains roughly stiff
Personal satisfaction rating: 2.5 (out of 5 Norsemen)
Alcohol-based hand sanitizer is a reasonable alternative to soap and water for killing bacteria and viruses. Uh, on your hands.
I wouldn't say that I'm "paranoid" about germs, or anything.
Instead, I prefer to think that my chosen line of work has left me with a wealth of detailed, not at all obsession-inducing, knowledge about bugs and our bodies. For instance: the total number of bacteria estimated to live on the skin of an individual human is upwards of 1012 organisms, depend on the collection method used. The influenza virus, when coughed onto a surface, can remain alive for hours, or even days in cold and wet conditions. 1 gram of feces can contain from 109 to 1011 bacteria. The primary way that viral respiratory infections, from the common cold to influenza, are contracted is not by inhaling particles out of the air, but rather by touching an infected surface and rubbing your eyes, nose, or mouth.
As such, the best thing anyone can do to prevent infections is to wash your hands at appropriate intervals. Not that I have a compulsion about hand-washing, of course. Or washing other things. Like my insides. Where all those bacteria are. But alcohol does, in point of fact, kill germs...
One thing that alcohol does not do is cause hair to grow, or else this Day 6 photo would feature a multi-foot chin beast, resplendent in the sun. Or, failing that, the fluorescent office lighting.
That said, lady and gentlemen, there is growth marching forward on this face of battle, and it cannot be stopped.
Senasation: neckline tickle-itch is now a less-comfortable bristle-itch
Palpation: soft but firm globally except for the anterior chin, which remains roughly stiff
Personal satisfaction rating: 2.5 (out of 5 Norsemen)
Fluffy bunnies. Fragrant clover. Bedazzling rainbows.
After an extended illness, it is a soul-refreshing thing to return to work. Toiling honestly in fruitful labor that is appreciated by all, and at every turn greeting by the stunning and well-disposed personages who felt your absence as but a vacancy in their very souls, now rendered complete and, nay, meaningful with your return. Today I was greeting by a parade of perfumed, be-ribboned midgets who danced intricate choreography around my gleeful form as a sign of welcome, after which a 7'8" man named Iakkov tossed rose petals about me in the air from a deep basket as though autumn had fast forwarded in but an instant to spring, and the trees had burst forth from their fall slumber to full April glory.
Ahhh, good times. Day 5 finds nothing but respect and camaraderie. Yup. Nothing but.
Senation: the neckline itch, although still present, is transitioning into a lovely tickle
Palpation: still rough about the Van Dyke region, but transitioning to soft and feathery in the mandibular region
Personal satisfaction rating: 3.5 (out of 5 Norsemen)
These cold, dead eyes speak the truth - this head is not actual flesh.
It has been previously speculated by Mr. Johnson that my head is, in fact, an elaborate prosthesis whose major design flaw is in the unblinking, frankly artificial eyes. I have attempted to disabuse him of this notion, lest the truth be revealed, but I have been foiled in my attempts to do so - Mr. Miller correctly noted that my pose from yesterday is impossible for the normal musculature of the human face to achieve. He rightly suspects that some form of demented meat puppetry is involved.
I am undone. The head is, indeed, a prosthesis. Fie on you both for dragging this out into the harsh, skin-cancerous glare of direct sunlight.
You must admit that the the facial hair generation techniques in use on this false head of mine are quite convincing, no? Such a dusky, full Day 4 facial growth? Yesss...
Senation: increasing prickly-itch about the neckline
Palpation: abrasiveness has all but transitioned to a firm smoothness
Personal satisfaction rating: 3.5 (out of 5 Norsemen)
Perhaps the most flattering picture of me in existence. Damn, but I'm a sexy beast...
Natalie recently pointed out two things of late: 1. that my shiny chin is not nearly so shocking of a sight as she had anticipated, and 2. it would help her to overcome this perception if I demonstrated an appropriate level of fear in response. So, here you have it - the utmost terror of the Halloween shearing roiled up from the depths of my soul and deforming my facial muscles out of revulsion.
This was made easier for me to recall by considering the utter horror of yesterday's pic. But don't merely take my word for it, oh no. It seems Mr. Johnson, after gazing on my countenance, is unable to find the goodness in his dreams, and Mr. Miller was so startled by it's freakishness that he declared it his scary picture of the day. To this end, while providing the requested "shock," I decided that Day 3's image need to show a far more attractive, soothing sight.
If look past my Adonis-like visage - and keep trying, I know it's hard, but you'll get there eventually - you can plainly observe an encroaching darkness signifying the lush, if not entirely uniform, growth of a well-supported facial garden. I continue to fertilize with your generosity.
Sensation: mild neck-line itchiness
Palpation: diffuse scratchy nubbins that could, in a pinch, sand Ikea-grade pressboard
Personal satisfaction rating: 4 (out of 5 Norsemen)
HAPPY to be growing for mammaries!
It was noted yesterday that all of my pictures thus far have featured a downturned lip, so this is provided as a clear example that I am capable of other facial expressions. Much like Wesley noted of himself last year, I am incapable of taking a normal picture, so don't expect to see me in any "traditional smiling poses," unless I have been taken unawares.
And you will not take me unawares.
I have continued to convalesce from a dread respiratory tract illness, but my face has proceeded to pour it's down-time effort into pushing out hair. Look upon this Day 2 chin-darkening and tremble, gentlemen!
My sincerest of thanks to all of you who have donated thus far. I am deeply humbled that I have attracted the sponsorship I have received, and I echo Bob and the others at our amazement and gratitude for your generosity on everyone's behalf.
There are still four weeks left, however. Our chins shall not let you down... and we have not yet begun to fight!
Or, grow. Grow, I mean. Yes.
Sensation: the errant breeze barely registers as abnormal
Palpation: coarsely granular along the maxilla, with a lawn of finely-bendable hair nubbins lower down
Personal satisfaction rating: 4 (out of 5 Norsemen)