You still have some hours left. Let's keep these ladies healthy.

So yeah. I didn't grow a beard. not even a tiny one. I didn't even have a straight friend go to bars with me, THAT IS HOW MUCH OF A BEARD I DIDN'T GROW.

I am grateful for everyone who donated, even those who preferred David and Cmar's rugged manliness over my own. Which, upon retrospect, is probably preferable to all, including my husband.

But hey. It's the final days. A few hours left. We all know I don't have a beard. So let's think about the reason we're doing this. That's right. Boobs. And I think I grow boobs better than everyone on this site.

I'd show you, but it's winter and I'm cold. And the camera on my Mac is just so grainy...

DO NOT DONATE FOR THE BEARD. DONATE FOR THE BOOBS.

I feel pretty.

Look- sometimes the most innovative is the way to go. We think outside the beard, we go places, people.

I HAVE a beard. It's just not on my face. But it's long enough to hang IN my face.

I still think I'm doing the worst job at growing a beard. I'm ALSO doing the worst job of updating, so I should just get ALLLLL the donations.

Sigh.

This. Is. Freedom.

Eh... what? You want to hear about my beard? Well back in my day, women didn't HAVE beards. It wasn't proper, you see. We were told we had a glandular problem, or should be in a freak show. We also weren't allowed to vote. Or own land.

Nowadays, a woman has the right to speak up about politics, own her own land, and by God, grow the biggest, bushiest beard she wants.

It is a glorious time.

Now. Offa my lawn. I am nappin'.

The chin. It remains hairless.

So I'm watching Aragorn and Gandalf talk very seriously, and slightly grubby, only the level of grubby that's acceptable, not gross, and they talk, and their beards are beardly and manly and quite the statement of war and hardship and manliness.

My face. It is not beardly. It is not manly. I continue to NOT GROW A BEARD. (Check the title of this site. Remember. This is our goal.)

So I watch the manly men with their manly beards fight manly wars. And I wait for Eowyn's moment of triumph. "I AM NO MAN."

It's warm. Like a blanket.

Day 7-

A week wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin' has paid off. The chin whiskers are about an inch long. Sadly, the beard is pure white and blue and my skin has attained some sort of glow.

Now, I won't say I've been hanging outside the nuclear power plant in hopes to modify my genetic makeup so i can grow hair on my face. I won't say I broke inside, either. Or caused that meltdown you read about yesterday.

I'm also not peeing a bright orange that melted our toilet. I'm unsure of how to tell Jim I've finally gotten a superpower or three.

Is that... is that... no, that's a mole on my neck. Dangit.

So I went out and bought hair cream. And some sand to rub on my face. And even caught a small woodland animal to skin in a manly woodsman way so I could build a fake beard if need be...

None of it worked. The sand exfoliated. The cream just softened. And the woodland creature was so sweet I had to let it go.

I wanted to be rough and manly like the men, even though I am secure in my womanly way to not grow a beard, which is the goal of this site, I just wanted to fit in. Just for a day.

This attempt at fake beardery took two days, and I failed, but I'm back now, older, wiser, and more honest. Here is my chin, without a manly whisker to be found.

See the smooth jawline and the clever placement of the head to hide the zit from last night?

Look people. The comments on my not growing a beard post from yesterday devolved into discussion about women's leg hair.

Now you all are intelligent people. I feel awful silly having to go over this again. But BEARD = FACE. It does not fall down and nestle into your armpit. It does not slide around and spread itself all over your back. It doesn't buy cross country tickets for a trip to your calf. Beard remains on the face.

I did wonder for a time why men were allowed to do all sorts of things with facial hair, like sideburns and van dykes and goatees and beards, while women had no such outlet, even though our legs usually encompass more real estate than faces. Why can't we have a knee beard? But no. Society says no knee beard. Knee beard BAD.

So the site is all about how not to grow a beard. Beard is on the FACE. So I continue with my attempts to not grow a beard. And I will tell you, I'm doing a damn good job at it.

And I have a SPONSOR for my extremely womanly smooth failure to sprout hair from my chin. RAWK, thanks for saving the boobs!

(Interestingly, those I DO have.)

See? No beard. One zit though. Dealing with that is another month...

So I am coming in late. I know. But I can have my hubby, Cthulhim, vouch for the fact that I have *not* shaved my face in the month of November.

I am here to show you guys HOW NOT TO GROW A BEARD.

You men with your facial hair and your ways. I'm here to tell you how it's not done.

Check it. Not growing a beard RIGHT NOW.